It is easy for me to refuse to hold myself accountable. I can blame, rationalize and cry victimization. I can excuse myself to feel I am better than other folks. Superficial accomplishments, money, education, fame, and power are often used as a shield to hide behind. The flawed character can only be corrected when I am humble. A heartfelt desire for good is powerful fuel for weapons for growth, change, hope, and self-fulfillment.

Many do not recognize that doing the wrong thing hurts others, but it also hurts me/you. There is a severe character flaw when I lack integrity or fail to remain loyal. To put self where you do not belong to the detriment of another person, family, take unfair advantage, abuse power, the stress resulting in adverse physical outcomes contribute to autoimmune conditions. If my love interest has no empathy for other people, I can’t expect compassion from them. Nobody wins. Every action choice has a consequence. The circle of the earth and life itself always bring us back to where we started..

Check self when every action, opinion, sentence, and word is woven around “I,” “me,” “feel,” think.” Words are neither productive nor effective. Nobody wants to hear them. These words are also a barrier to growth self-evaluation crucial for feelings of self-worth. Regardless of my sense of self-importance or wisdom, nobody wants to constantly hear, service, and help me without any benefit to themselves.

Clue, guess what, if you think everything is about you, me, I, think, want is in every other sentence in a conversation? You/we need some help. If my love interest, best friend, and family enable my false sense of self-importance, there is something wrong.

The clue is that they don’t care about me or are sicker than me.

pair of feet standing on saying passion led us here.
Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

When I look in the mirror, my reflection, self-awareness, honesty, and humility are crucial. Pride, envy, and selfishness distract me and contribute to forgetting the image reflection I saw in the mirror. I must avoid going away from the mirror, forgetting hair that grows too long from my nose’s nostrils. One of my eyebrows has always been uneven. Remember to put that hair in place, straighten that collar and remove that piece of food from between the teeth.

If I don’t love myself enough to improve myself? How can I respect myself? Therefore, how can I possibly believe someone anyone else loves or respects me more than I do? Thus, I must do the work, or at least form a plan for doing the work, before I bring another adult or child into the mix.

I am the only one in control of who is allowed in my life and around my family. Does it matter if someone else is a narcissist or sociopath? Will it absolve me of having to keep my side of the street clean?

Trauma, emotional, mental, or physical, will keep coming and robbing me of joy, hope, and peace.

I suspect the reason no good comes from the politically correct vocal apology, often rehearsed and condescending. The politically correct apology for the appearance of civility is exposed as the thin symbolic layer of onion skin, a veil. The person issuing the apology wants something for themself. No one else can do work on what keeps coming up in me for me. I quickly identify people I do not need in my life when I do my work.

It takes courage and faith in someone bigger than self to seek help. No matter how many things I have, no sense of self-worth or satisfaction is born without inner peace.

Since humans are flawed, it is useless to rely on another individual to fill the empty spaces of your soul. It is a setup for repeated failure. Please keep it coming about the consequences of sharing painful information to support a following or trend. Please keep it coming about the beauty of owning your stuff and doing the work to get as close to fixing it as you can. If I think my stuff is hidden, it isn’t? The rot of wrong keeps weaving deep within the soul and body.

Photo by Alysha Rosly on Unsplash

Anger keeps coming up with deeds and words, making the human body sick. That sickness must manifest itself in one way or another. One has to be sound and care about you to call you out on your stuff. The victims of my stuff are the persons I care most for because they are the victims of poor examples, words, and actions sewn into the fabric of their being. It keeps coming up, framing relationships, family members, and friends. We have the choice to grow tall and robust or skinny and weak.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Valorie Kelly

Valorie Kelly

I am a spiritual woman of color. My passion is to call to action, by written word, educate, inspire, support the vulnerable among us.